I feel so excited!

omg omg i think im preggerssss. hahaha. i know they say we shouldnt get too excited about it, but then aku tak tahan ahh nak excited jugak! hahaha. i did the pregnancy test last week, the preggy line was faint, but today, gila babi clear, apart from the fact aku tak period lagi, mmg sah2 la aku pregnant kan. haha. bestnye!

dulu time sume orang tak tau aku da kawin, aku takut gila if my period were late, takut mengandung, takut kantoi kawin, tapi bila period tu mcm sedih gak laa sbb rasa macam aku ni takleh nak mengandung. tapi sekarang tidak lagii, haha always excited when im late. ni kira kali kedua late la lepas sume orang tau kawin ritu. haha, weiiii aku tak tau nak ckp camne ahh, tapi aku excited gila ahh. hahahahahahah.

DH got back from kemaman yesterday, and he told me stuff that happened during the court session. i dont blame them though. its only normal for people to act that way when they feel challenged, when they dont get what they want. aku ni plak anak dia, dia bela dari kecik sampai besar and suddenly im not there and dorang dah pikir that they wont ever get to see me again, so jadi macam ni la. aku sedih gakk dgr what happened, sbb tak patut dorang buat macam tu, kan menyusahkan diri. klu bincang baik2, menyusahkan diri ke? jerit2 ke ckp elok2 lagi sng? mana satu lagi sakit tekak? haha. apela, tu pun takleh pikir.

my grandfather tu dah tua, he should be staying at home, bukannya dibawak kehulu kehilir. I know they brought him because they think he can still use his influences on the police, mmg mula2 macam jadi la, tapi bila dah buat perangai mcmtu, and all the lies they told uncovered, polis pun jadi malas nak layan? my grandmother tu plak, takpayah nak tunjuk perangai. my mum always complained about her being a drama queen, and aku sendiri pernah alami perangai dia tu, so aku tak heran pun bila DH told me so.

DH did tell me my dad said
"saya nak jumpa anak saya skali ni je, nak tau dia betul2 nak kat faizz ni lagi ke tak, klu dia nak then dia boleh pergi la, sya tak hingin pun kat dia dah"

ok, so if you dont want me, why all the havoc?

aku ni, kaki menipu, so parents aku slalu ckp, klu menipu ni, cerita jadi tak consistent, and you can never win when you lie. even when you win at the beginning, youd still lose at the end, because Allah tu adil beb, especially when kita tunaikan kewajipan dia. well, sorry to dissapoint you la, tapi takda guna nak tipu dahh pasal bende ni, dulu ye la takut parents marah, skarang dah at its worst, aku tak kesah pun nak cerita whatever happened.aku sgt confident that what i did was right, what DH's parents did was right( they tried to talk to my parents about how to settle the matter) cuma style aku buat tu over the edge ahh, salah dari segi membelakangi mak bapak, berdosa, mmg parents aku ada hak nak marah, tapi klu DH' family nak settle baik2, perlu ke nak marah lagi? orang buat baik kita nak marah? cuba bayangkann , if they agreed to talk this over 2months ago, jadi ke kes2 macam ni? my parents tau agama, but bila marah dorang boleh plak lupa, yang agama tuntut to settle things baik2, not to resort to violence, unless bende yang nak disettlekan tu bende yang haram. now dah gadoh2 mcm ni, smpi DH's family mmbr yang tak salah pun kene, and now, its a very sad thing to hear, sbb aku macam nak gak ahh tunjuk anak aku kat mak aku ke kan, share being preggers with her ke, tapi because dorang buat macam ni, tak nak buat baik2, jadi takboleh langsung. aku tak tau la klu mak aku nak tau pun pasal aku mengandung, sbb family aku still pikir aku kawin tak sah, so they might just say yg anak aku ni anak haram, taknak ada kene mengene ke ape kan. tapi klu mak aku rasa2 macam nak tgk, aku bagi je beb, skarang pun aku boleh rasa excited klu mak aku tgk anak aku, it all depends on whats gona happen lepas ni. klu dorang still nak sama je mcm ni, susah la, DH konfem tak bagi punya ahh.

my cousin thinks im betraying my family. everone thinks i am. tah, aku tak rasa pun macam aku betray anyone. i think its only normal for things to happen this way. aku kawin lari, family marah. aku kene halau, aku ikut laki, sbb aku mmg kene ikut laki aku punn. how i did it was wrong. i admit. but im married, and trying to separate me from my husband betul ke? tak dosa ke? perlu ke nak tambah dosa yang ada?

'you dont see this as a serious matter because you dont know the sacrifices people made to win you back'

i know, believe me i do. jgn ingat aku dok belakang tabir aku tak tau. tapi bende ni dah byk terjadi, kawin lari. kes paling tinggi kat malaysia ni, kes kawin lari la. mcm mana parents org lain yang kawin lari tu boleh terima anak dia seadanya? jgn kata aku nak bandingkan dgn org lain. sbb bila aku buat, mesti ada org nak bandingkan. jgn nak kata, parents aku kene drag kehulu kehilir. they dragged themselves, and their parents skali. padahal masa mula2 tu, they didnt even have to get out from the house, DH's parents dah offer nak dtg nak bincang, bila dgr aku sebut pasal ayah aku ke mak aku ke DH tak berapa nak suka, tapi yela, dah kawin and nak berbaik pun nak mengamuk lagi? so what actually are the sacrifices they made to win me back? creating this havoc? or bringing tok and tah everywhere? or the travelling expenses? telling people that im stuped? kidnapped? guna pekida nak cari DH? ke mintak tolong kat orang nak selesaikan hal aku? guna ayat2 aku dari blog ni nak try and frame DH? aku bukan nak tunjuk pandai, tapi any rational person would consider bawak berbincang elok2, come to the best conclusion. itu aku rasa the best sacrifice la, tapi tak semua pikir macam tu. orang suma mungkin pikir aku tau nak senang je. aku susah hati gakk parents aku kene macam ni, tapi dah sape yang chose the hard way when the easy way dah sedia ada? if you want me, obviously you have to accept DH skali. if you dont want to see DH, then i can go back home alone, but for as long as DH agrees with la, if you dont want to see me at all, then just say you dont want to see me. sume boleh buat with no hassle klu cakap elok2.but please, jgn laaa cari dosa nak separate me from DH. i thought my mum would understand, but i cant blame her though, dia kene ikut my dad, so takpe la.

if my parents nak tau sgt wether i nak sgt ikut DH ke tak, mmg i nak ikut. he's my husband, and the father of my child, so mmg i ikut dia. tapi masalahnye bila aku ckp terang2 macam ni, dikatanya aku kene bomoh plak.. haih susah susah.

parents ttp parents beb, no denying that. yang paling penting, outsiders takpayah nak sebok tepi kain orang. pegi jaga family sendiri, as if you dont have enough trouble at home.


things like this happen all the time. so mmg aku tak rasa serious pun, because insyaallah laa bende ni boleh heal dgn masa.

for the time being, lets stay pregnant! hahahaha.