Sunday, June 14, 2015

I finished my viva, you know, the assessment for your final year project. and i think i did ok, though my professor did say that my work is good. i dont know wether to agree or not, because honestly i felt it was shit. i dont think the data is usable at all, because of time constraints and my methodology not being too strong. but whatever. its done, and if he says its ok, that means its ok lah.. i just hope he really meant it, dont want the the result to be a B. cakap ok, tapi tak ok. would be dissapointed then...

i have three more papers to go before i complete this semester, then its off to industrial training. i hope training would make me learn something.. dont want to be doing nothing like before. tapi sebab this time it actually is something related to what im studying so should be ok lah.. ill be doing research with UPM. on aquaculture and some ecology work kot. on and off mabul.. what more could i ask for.

cant wait!

Monday, May 25, 2015

When you realize the decisions you made recently is not what you actually want, you cant help feeling that it would be best if you could just dissapear from the face of the earth until everything gets back to normal.

Will it ever be normal again though?

Fuck.

Susah kalau dah bagi hati kat org ni. Nak ambik balik, mungkin during periods of time ko rasa dah takde sebab marah, tapi bila dah rilek tu kau rasa mcm ohh fuck apa aku dah buat ni.

Tapi tak apa lah. Tak boleh nak puaskan hati semua org. Hati aku pun tak puas. So be it.


Wednesday, May 13, 2015

some people dont understand, how hard it is for me to actually fall in love.

the time it took for me to do so the first time was almost 4 years..

4 years to fucking feel that tingling sensation whenever he texted,saying i love you, or asking me about my day, wether ive eaten or not, what have i been doing..things like that. feeling confident of letting the world know how much i love him only after we tied the knot... betapa lamanye masa aku amek untuk mampu express perasaan kasih sayang tu sepenuhnye.

i really am not the type who immediately falls for someone fast and hard.

i always thought, that if things werent meant to be with my husband, then i would never love again. 

buat masa ni, i cannot avoid how other people feel towards me. i might like the guy in return, but that would be as far as it goes lah.. nak rasa cinta tu.. jauh lagi perjalanan.

mungkin hati aku ni hanya ada ruang untuk satu kot. 

kalau begitu lah hakikatnye.. aku ok je. sebab aku ada rasa, dgn gaya dan keadaan family yang memilih mcm ni,  aku akan hidup sorang je nanti in future. senang. 






Sunday, April 19, 2015

So Sorry

I am sorry
For all the hurt i have caused

Sorry
For all the sins you had to bear on my behalf

Sorry 
For all the lies that i have told

Sorry
For forgetting my duties as a wife

All because i am selfish, and i let slip the ways of islam

Some people appear in life as a blessing, while some as a lesson

I realize that i am the latter in yours

Because i am what i am, and because i feel you deserve someone better
I can never be good enough for you any longer with all that ive done

Though it was difficult for me to not stray away from my cold hearted decision

Parting is the only way that would make me feel at peace,

An opportunity for me to make amends and start over

Never will i forget what we had before, during the days when we were mutually happy and content

Thank you, and goodbye.




Saturday, April 4, 2015

out of 500 photos that i took, only 10 can be used.. itu pun by my standards.. ahahahaha..

kalau by jep's..i dono la. tak hado kot.

Sunday, March 22, 2015

lets see now.. aku bukak laptop kol 3 ptg.. nak buat kerja..

sekarang dah pukul 1 pagi.

dari siang tadi aku dok main2 dgn gmbar.. and tgk fb..

kah3...

tak boleh harap langsung.

esok kelas kol 8. tah boleh bangun tah tidak. biasa mmg kalau kunci jam aku sedar dari tido.. tapi nak bangun dari katil tu yang malas gila.. dah la kalau kelas kol 8 aku kene gerak sebelum kol 6.15, kalau aku nak naik public transport. taxi pun kene gerak awal, sebab kalau pukul 8 kat station tu mmg takde taxi.. tunggu lah sapai 8.30, baru ada. malas aku.. dah la kene berebut. kelas sejam plak.. tak berbaloi langsung. subject esok ni lecturer biasa ajar simple and short je.. so usually itd only take like 45 mins or so. kalau 8.30 baru nak naik cab.. dgn having to share it with another one or two passengers.. mmg 8.45 lah aku sampai kelas. bukan aku malu tau sampai lambat.. aku selalu jer sampai lewat gila..selamber masuk. lecturer pun paham kot.. sebab tau aku duduk kat kl. dulu masa naik basikal lagi lah.. dah la sampai lewat, peluh jeruk.. letih mengayuh, so tido jelah in the remaining minutes. tapi kalau kecuh kecah semata nak sampai kelas yang dah habis.. tak ke bengap namanye tu.. baik aku tido je kat rumah..

mau tk mau.. kene gerak awal ler.. puiiihhh..

masa first sem dulu aku selalu dapat bawak kereta kalau kelas pagi.. so kelas tak pernah miss.. ni makin hujung makin malas plak. hahahahha.

good night!


Saturday, March 21, 2015

Aku suka tgk documentaries.. especially the ones on wildlife. Ever since I was young, the national geographic slot on rtm,tv3 was something that I anticipated. Without fail,tiap2 minggu mmg aku tgk.. kalau terlepas tu kira frust gila lah..sebab dulu astro takde, so shows only run once.

Sekarang dah ada astro,internet lagi.. takpe lah. Kalau sempat je tgk.

Kejap ni aku tgk man in the wild:water. This african guy, made a significant change to the lands he roam. Dari tanah gersang,dia boleh buat pokok tumbuh... jadi hutan. Dia sorang pulak tuh, sebab the rest of the tribe thinks he's crazy and they dont think hed make it so they refused to help. And he doesnt even have scientific knowledge. Tapi dia boleh pikir mcmana nak retain water, encourage symbioses.. and all sorts of things.

And that scuba jeff guy..the mabul guy. He used to pay kids to collect plastic waste. Like wtf.. aku tak pernah terpikir pun nak buat mcm tu. kenapa dia pikir macam tu weh?!!?!?!

and theres this friend of mine, from usm, younger than me, but already thinking above and beyond. buat macam2.. sampai boleh pergi LI dekat woodshole institute of oceanography..(interns in the states and in research centers like this one are difficult to try for.. baru try tau. competition bersepah.. i tried applying for MBARI before, tapi tak dapat.. sebab resume aku 0..kah3... orang pemalas.. mcm ni lah.. mengharap durian tu gugur terbukak dan isi dia terlantun keluar sambil force tu menanggalkan the whole flesh from the seed, terus masuk dalam mulut aku..mmg tak dapek la kannn..).

Aku yang ada acientific knowledge and resources ni..tak boleh nak fikir mcm mana nak buat something for the environment..mcm dorang dorang ni.. aduhai.

Maybe I seem easily impressed by people..but man, kau boleh ke fikir nak buat bende2 mcm tu? Aku rasa mungkin sebab aku sekarang ni agak content with life..walaupun masih tak mampu nak duduk diam2 kat rumah.. kalau boleh aku nak merayap je. ikut org... sape2 pun tak kesah.. janji merayap.. haha.. apa punya bini daa..

Kadang2 the thought of not being able do think of something usefull makes me feel like shit. You might think im exaggerating, but no im not. I love the environment,very much. Itu pasal aku amek marine biology. Sebab mmg bende ni lah yg aku nak buat dari kecik..tapi tulah..my brain isnt that productive. Yang gua terer ialah kelentong hahahaha. Janji gua boleh merayap tanpa dipersoalkan.. I feel like its a waste that us humans are causing the deterioration of it unconsciously by time..and its really sad when documentaries from years ago that features pristine conditions of ecosystems are no longer true in todays world.

Nanti in years to come will people still be able to see the beauty of our planet?

My worst fear on this issue is if all that remains would only be of memories in the future.

Bila lah otak gua nak start turning nihhh..bilaaaaaaaaa??!!! Arghghghhh