Change

it has always been difficult for me to change the order of my routine

the thought of trying to do things differently is always there, but the chance of executing it, one in a million.

for example, i always would brush my teeth after shampooing, so that there would be enough time for the shampoo to really be absorbed into my scalp then i would wash my hair and apply conditioner before continuing to shower and scrub my face. if i do it differently then i would feel weird, like im not supposed to do it like that, and that the shampoo wont work as well as it usually does.

and like if i were to bring my bike to UKM, i would always end up using the same road, even when i thought of going through an alternate route the whole night before.

and it is especially obvious if it regards senses...

i would go to an ice cream shop, thinking of trying a new flavour, trying out all flavours available, and would still end up buying chocolate. even when i eat it i feel like, why the fuck did i buy this, its so boring.

i buy the same perfumes everytime, and i prearrange them for use on different days of the week

i listen to the same songs... its a rare thing if i were to discover a new band or jam,

i like looking at new things though.

lol

just something that came across my head..

a friend used to say that i have OCD, because i like to place things in order. i think he sees me as a neat person.

i am not neat all the time, sometimes when the environment isnt right, i dont see the purpose of keeping everything in place. because when the people surrounding me dont appreciate cleanliness, the place would be a mess faster than my eyes could blink. and that would make me feel very very very upset.

to avoid feeling so i just.. ignore the mess.

that happens because i have this expectation for myself-to be able to keep the house clean- but eventually my body just couldnt deal with the exhaustion(repetitive tidying) so my brain gets angry because it not how it wants it to be.

same thing this semester.. i was ahead of my game last semester so i thought it would be alright this semester but it din go well at all because i was totally disorganized, felt so fucking retarded.

so it came to a point where i just didnt give a fuck for a while.. made me feel even worse though.

and now, im anxious about my results.

either that or because i told that i kissed