Fucking reality check

i weigh a darn 59 kilos people.... 59 fucking kilos. which is 2kilos more than the usual average. DH says i complain too much about the increase and says '2 kilos tu biasa la wei..' haah. mmg la biasa, kalau lepas berak dia turun balik, tapi wtf, last two weeks it was like, an average of a kilo, but as of a couple of days ago, it decided to permanently stay with me.

what couldve possibly went wrong????

thats a stupid question to ask myself when im actually aware of how i slacked off

1. i ate too much protein during the days i worked at MAHA, and i din even move much.
2. kat MAHA jugak laaaa hari2 aku makan endless servings of chocolate covered marshmallows.
3. i stopped exercising regularly ever since i started working at MAHA.. only exercised twice since then.
4. and now, my main diet is sugar and fat, everything fried, everything sweet..
5. i miss squash ;(

damn you MAHA, kaulah penyebab aku jadi berat skarang nih! hahaha, padahal diri sendiri ni yang taknak exercise, salahkan MAHA plak kan. ni lah masalah orang melayu... selalu je nak put the blame on something/someone else. salah sendiri mmg tak nampak. haih sarah2.. cuba la kau pikir macam mat saleh sket..

tapi takpe la kan.. beza dia kat bentuk badan aku adela sikit.. mcm sebelum ni bole nampak seperation between my delts and my chest, now dah takde. lemak makin banyak kat perut ngan peha (my fattest area-these areas will lean later than the others if i diet properly, or more like, if i ever lol), and seluar aku ada rasa ketat sikit. damn, i dont know wether its just me being paranoid, tapi obvious betul effect 2kilo ni kat badan aku.

aku sebenarnye teramatlah rimas dgn 2kilo gain ni..sbb aku xnak weii jadi mcm dulu.. susah nak cari baju/seluarr that would fit my previous body shape. everytime i walk by my reflection, taking a glimpse of it makes me feel like 'sarah youre gonna lose it if you dont gain back the momentum you had before' patu aku rasa mcm seram sejuk.. but im not doing anything about it. kejap ni, dah pukul 12tghmlm ni, semangat je keluar pegi beli teh ais. TEH AIS u know. sebelum nak g beli tu 2 jam aku pikir.. minum air sejuk ke teh ais, air sejuk ke teh ais, padahal air sejuk betul2 depan mata aku, kalau nak kurangkan calorie la kan. last2 kuar jugakkkk beli teh ais.tgh minum ni, rasa macam , ish asallaaa ko g minum ni doo, tapi mulut dok srot srot sedut straw lagi.

dah cane nak buat?

takpe la kan, sbb nak bagi sedap hati sendiri kadang2, aku akan anggap yang skarang ni aku tgh bulking (bulking the fucking wrong way, people bulk with exercise, but not me lol) and bulan depan aku akan start cutting wakakakaka.

aku mmg nak jadi lean ni, tapi hujung2 taun ni, banyak dugaan la pulak. patu nak pegi kat facilities, DH tak bagi, aku plak dah bosan exercise kat rumah. alang2, tunggu pindah je la... nnt senang sket nak g gym/main squash. DH pun mesti kata ok nye sbb within area limits lol.

sedar tak sedar.. habis sebekas teh ais aku minum sesambil type natang ni. menyesal tapi sedap.. ;p