When you realize the decisions you made recently is not what you actually want, you cant help feeling that it would be best if you could just dissapear from the face of the earth until everything gets back to normal.

Will it ever be normal again though?

Fuck.

Susah kalau dah bagi hati kat org ni. Nak ambik balik, mungkin during periods of time ko rasa dah takde sebab marah, tapi bila dah rilek tu kau rasa mcm ohh fuck apa aku dah buat ni.

Tapi tak apa lah. Tak boleh nak puaskan hati semua org. Hati aku pun tak puas. So be it.

some people dont understand, how hard it is for me to actually fall in love.

the time it took for me to do so the first time was almost 4 years..

4 years to fucking feel that tingling sensation whenever he texted,saying i love you, or asking me about my day, wether ive eaten or not, what have i been doing..things like that. feeling confident of letting the world know how much i love him only after we tied the knot... betapa lamanye masa aku amek untuk mampu express perasaan kasih sayang tu sepenuhnye.

i really am not the type who immediately falls for someone fast and hard.

i always thought, that if things werent meant to be with my husband, then i would never love again. 

buat masa ni, i cannot avoid how other people feel towards me. i might like the guy in return, but that would be as far as it goes lah.. nak rasa cinta tu.. jauh lagi perjalanan.

mungkin hati aku ni hanya ada ruang untuk satu kot. 

kalau begitu lah hakikatnye.. aku ok je. sebab aku ada rasa, dgn gaya dan keadaan family yang memilih mcm ni,  aku akan hidup sorang je nanti in future. senang.