tadi aku nampak beberapa buah kereta luxury kat jalan ampang,a bmw 745Li and a bentley, which model i dont know,masuk kat intermark nye parking. and i wonder, which would be nicer,  on the wheels or at the back as a passenger...

aku rasa duduk belakang lagi best kot. sebab kereta jenis camtu, priority is focused towards the comfort of passengers. 

kalau supercar ye aku nak bawak sendiri. 

went to Port Dickson today to look for some seagrass for my lecturer's seagrass tank project. there isnt much, but definitely more than enough to start a tank. if i am not mistaken we collected around 5 species, Cymodocea serrulata, Halodule uninervis, Halophila ovalis, Enhalus acoroides and perhaps a Thalassia hemprichii.

lol im not sure if im even correct in identifying them.. though they are pretty easy to be distinguished as the id manual is pretty straightforward.. everything needed to distinguish the plant can be seen by the naked eye.

Main air ni... sekejap pun letih nak mampus.. kerja thesis aku tak jalan langsung.. ingat nak buat malam ni, tapi saya sudah mengantuk.. mau tido lah!

i love browsing on 9gag, because the jokes can be so goddamn cynical  sometimes. and as long as i can remember, i have always been a sucker for extreme cynical jokes.

itu pasal aku berkenan dengan laki aku.

kebolehan dia membuat lawak spontaneously mmg menambat hati aku kaw2 punye..

that and his good heart. hihihihihi

but to my dissapointment, 9gag is slowly turning into a porn hub. why cant people just stick to jokes for upvotes? posting porn is literally cheap publicity. yelah.. aku suka jugak stuff related to porn, tapi bila dah semuanya porn baik aku bukak youporn je!

aku bukak 9gag nak tgk lawak weh.. bukan pornnnnnnn!!!!

tension tension.

umur aku dah 25 tahun.. lagi 5 tahun nak masuk 30.. mak aii.. feels like it was just yesterday that i \sneaked out from my house as soon as my mom fell asleep in the afternoon sebab nak main dgn jiran kat hujung taman perumahan aku. i was 5.

nampak tak, kecik2 lagi dah suka buat hal.. besar2 jadi lah baik. baik nye!

so kelmarin aku pergi gym, and did legs. squash aku tak teruk sangat pakai kaki.. sebab aku tak rajin lunge and bend for the ball. so bila pergi gym, pakai weights plak buat squat and calve raises, memangggg mendapat. i knew then that it would hurt so bad after.. semalam tak berapa sangat, masih boleh berjalan berjimba.. sakit sikit je. harini, mungkin sebab duduk banyak sangat, bila nak berdiri tu, aiyoooo.. 

mcm puki je sakitnye. 

org kata no pain no gain.

yelah.. gua holding back the tears lah ni!

moga esok bermotivasi nak buat upperbody.. sebab biasanya kalau dah sakit macam ni, aku lagi prefer tido, even when im supposed to stretch it all out, and do light exercises to fasten recovery. main squash tu kira halal la kann.. bukan main dgn pro pun. light light la tuhh.. 

only easy source of protein sekarang ni ialah - telur.. aku cakap kat DH nak beli isolate whey, dia tak bagi! kedekut gilaaaa... aku tak larat lah weii nak makan solid food banyak2.. nnt aku takleh tido kalau perut kembung. nak prepare meals before i go to UKM in the morning is possible, and dah pernah buat pun tapi kekadang aku balik dah tgh malam, mana nak tido nak urus bende2 lain lagiiii.. plus nak bawak bekas ke UKM tu pun dah satu hal. leceh! nak bawak baju lagi...banyak plak bende nak bawak. 

aku ingat nnt dapat duit pt aku kene beli jugak lah.. sakit jugak kalau nak kene mkn mcm ni. plus bodybuildng is 70% nutrition.. and i dont think im getting enough as it is. buat letih je sakit nak mampos, tapi takde gainzzzz....

tadi aku berlagak ngan SV, boleh tahan nafas lama dlm air. patu aku pertikaikan asal dia takleh... patutnye boleh ahhhhh... 

ayat reply dia, bagi geli hati aku betulla bila teringat.. 

'dah takboleh, nak buat macamana, so sue me la!' 

hahaha.. hahahahahah!

aku tau tu attempt dia nak bajet comel ngan aku! ptuih!

aku ni, tak tahan sejuk. biasanya kalau laki aku pasang aircond dalam bilik, aku tido luar. bila dah bahang gila babi baru aku masuk dlm bilik cari aircond.. haha.

biasa aku drive pun aku lagi selesa bukak tingkap. nak plak bila naik myvi. even though malaysian cars are of low quality, its air conditioning power is phenomenal. bab tu je dia paling win.. kalau hari tgh panas gila babi, pasang aircond, lepak dlm kereta myvi would be your best bet to cool yourself off.

tapi pernah jugak aku tido dalam kereta sebab udara kat rumah time tu sejukkkk gilaaa! its like everywhere i sit was freezing. last2 gua turun basement tido dlm kereta je. tak panas, tak sejuk. best!

pernah sekali, masa pergi diving LOB, lepas naik tu, the air had gotten to me so aku panaskan badan dekat vent engine. secara tiba jahhhhh kene simbah dgn ais berbatu batu dari atas, bongok nye fahmy. langsung malam tu aku demam.

and ada sekali tu aku dive tak pakai wetsuit.. masa pergi sampling. malas punya pasal. dlm air tu jugak aku menggigil.. naik, toksah kira laa.. hhahahaha.. rasa sejuk sampai ke tulang.

lecturer aku pasang aircond dlm bilik dia pun aku sejuk menggigil2.. pehh.. kalau pergi overseas time winter tak tau la aku mcmana..keras kejung mcmtu je... tak boleh buat apa2.

aku rasa ni semua sebab biasakan diri mandi pakai heater lah.. boleh ke tak mcm tu?

esok kelas start. malas betul.. tapi rindu kawan. tapi malas... thesis patut dah siap.. tak siap2 pun. dasar pemalas, lembap! semua nak harapkan SV.

apebende kau ni sarah?!

kadang2.. aku sendiri terlupa, kerana mendengar hasutan syaitan, dimana,

when someone desires you, it does not mean that they value you all the same.

and i am glad, so glad that aku masih dilindungi Allah S.W.T, despite failing to completely resist temptations.

ya. syukur aku dilahirkan islam. because without it, banyak bende bongok haruslah dah berlaku.

i had a look at my results, just so i know.. and im never gona look at it again. may this be a lesson for me.

did i ever mention how much i am into alan rickman? the guy who played snape in harry potter? oh god he is so fucking sexy! i could watch all his movies over and over, just to hear his voice.

he is the main reason why i love watching harry potter... he's that little plot twist in the movie that makes it all so awsome.

i swear he gives me the shivers! hahahahahahahha okay i sound like a godamn pervert now.

Hari ni , hari keramat. aku takut gila.. takut sebab ada kemungkinan besar bahawa subjek yang aku telah cuba gugurkan dulu, tak boleh dilakukan, dan akan dikira sebagai 'gagal' dalam keputusan peperiksaan aku. Dan itu akan menyebabkan keputusan keseluruhan aku menjadi seperti babi.

FUCK man.. just fuckfuckfuck.

i wish i could just sleep and wake up not remembering that results are out.

i almost forgot about it, until a friend 'helpfully' reminded me of it even when i specifically told him not to. aiyooo..

anyways.. theres this other thing thats bothering me, my data. im supposed to start analyzing, but then i havent, and i tried using SPSS, but damn i think its difficult because im not even sure what a goddamn variable is.. hahahahahaha. i tried consulting my lecturer on what to do, he gave me good answers.. but still it doesnt make me know how to use the software, so im pretty much still stuck. i could always go to my supervisor, and because he knows how to use another type of software, i could get it done in a jiffy.. but contacting him feels awkward nowadays.. i dont know why. its like, when i text him and he doesnt reply, i get that gut feeling that he doesnt want to talk to me or something.

i tried looking for analyzing services, but theyre all pretty costly. and tuition on the subject costs more than if i were to ask them to just run the damn thing for me.

the thing is, i would gladly pay, but i want to see how its done. and these analyzers, they do things online, not on one to one basis, so i am afraid if i dont get the results that i want.
call it paranoid or whatever.. i have a deadline set, so i aim to finish it on time.. and time is running out, which makes the butterflies in my stomach flutter at 300km/h.

fuck all of this.. im going to play battlefield.

dealing with data

i have been at it for 2 weeks.

everyday i would refer to a senior's thesis, read the whole analysis chapter, look at my data, and go do something else.

i just couldnt understand what to do with my data.

and that really sucks.. im not sure what software i should be using, im not sure which data should i be running for ANOVA or whatever test there is..  and i got an A for statistics last semester.

being booksmart is for shit....useless i tell you.

When you have high hopes for something, failing to achieve would indeed cause devastation.

Not hoping, takde hal!

recently my period has been really weird.. it doesnt come out as much as it does. my friend told me that its cause i havent enough blood, and the walls of my uterus is thin and fragile, and the slightlest shock would be able to kill whatever thats in it. perhaps thats explains why my miscarriages happened.

apparently i am the type that should even be trying to control my farts while pregnant because any thing that causes vibration could disrupt the process. imagine that.. i went to the gym and was all hyper lol. if i know that was the case i wouldnt have done any of that.

ahh.. kira takde rezeki lah tu. cz if the baby was meant for me then the doctors would have notified me about this.. or maybe i would not have skipped appointments regarding my test results.

ok lah tu.. duit masih boleh dijoli-jolikan.

Change

it has always been difficult for me to change the order of my routine

the thought of trying to do things differently is always there, but the chance of executing it, one in a million.

for example, i always would brush my teeth after shampooing, so that there would be enough time for the shampoo to really be absorbed into my scalp then i would wash my hair and apply conditioner before continuing to shower and scrub my face. if i do it differently then i would feel weird, like im not supposed to do it like that, and that the shampoo wont work as well as it usually does.

and like if i were to bring my bike to UKM, i would always end up using the same road, even when i thought of going through an alternate route the whole night before.

and it is especially obvious if it regards senses...

i would go to an ice cream shop, thinking of trying a new flavour, trying out all flavours available, and would still end up buying chocolate. even when i eat it i feel like, why the fuck did i buy this, its so boring.

i buy the same perfumes everytime, and i prearrange them for use on different days of the week

i listen to the same songs... its a rare thing if i were to discover a new band or jam,

i like looking at new things though.

lol

just something that came across my head..

a friend used to say that i have OCD, because i like to place things in order. i think he sees me as a neat person.

i am not neat all the time, sometimes when the environment isnt right, i dont see the purpose of keeping everything in place. because when the people surrounding me dont appreciate cleanliness, the place would be a mess faster than my eyes could blink. and that would make me feel very very very upset.

to avoid feeling so i just.. ignore the mess.

that happens because i have this expectation for myself-to be able to keep the house clean- but eventually my body just couldnt deal with the exhaustion(repetitive tidying) so my brain gets angry because it not how it wants it to be.

same thing this semester.. i was ahead of my game last semester so i thought it would be alright this semester but it din go well at all because i was totally disorganized, felt so fucking retarded.

so it came to a point where i just didnt give a fuck for a while.. made me feel even worse though.

and now, im anxious about my results.

either that or because i told that i kissed