Lousy

i made asam pedas ikan pari today. i dont remember the right ingredients my mum usually uses for the dish, but whatever. ada laa jugak rasa dia sikit2.main stuff i blended: kunyit hidup, halia, bawang putih sket, bawang banyak cili kering, cili merah.. aku cam konfius nak kene letak lengkuas ke tak. so sbb aku ragu2 maka aku tak letak. ke sepatutnye letak? hish aku tak tau la! pening2. anyways, end product tastes ok kot, sbb i feel like vomiting eating it (biasa ahhh pregnant kann ahahaha) so cant really use my taste buds, aku rasa je mual, tapi muntah tak, alhamdulillah alahan aku tak teruk mana ahh stok bole control lagi.. MIL says kene taruk belacan. mak aku letak belacan ke tak? aku pun tak ingat. tapi aku rasa macam tak, sbb mak aku jarang guna belacan for stuff other than sambal belacan.

oh and recently aku g check kat clinic, the doctor confirms me of being 10weeks pregnant. dia bagi aku a months supply of folic acid(utk tumbesaran janin) and then dia kata dah habis ubat bole dtg lagi skali bukak buku merah, patu klu nak scan bole scan tgk apa suda jadi dgn ini anak. haha ko tau, i was trembling when i waited for the doctor to call me in, sbb aku mcm cuak and takut klu dr tu ckp im no longer pregnant, yelahh i did my own urine test around 2-3 weeks ago, which is quite a period of time, so saspen laa kan bende dah takde, plus aku plak exercise mcm biasa. haaa. bila dia bagitau aku yang urine test positive, aku punyela excited smpi lupa dahh nak tanya stuff about the pregnancy. yang paling aku nak tau skarang is what i can and cannot eat. i dont want people simpy telling me that i can eat this and cant eat that just because theyve had experience being pregnant before, because lain orang lain pantang. i want to know what the doctor has to say about this, and about kurik. can he be around me while im pregnant or does he have to go? klu bole aku taknak la put kurik someplace else, sayang doh, bosan2 aku dok sorang kat rumah dia ada la kann nak teman aku. i did remember to ask about exercise though. dr ckp bole jogging, swimming, best! ni pun seb bek DH's aunt ada skali time tu and dia teringat aku suka beriadah so she asked.

when i got back to the house, DH's aunts were all excited about me being pregnant, haha. siap cari nama bagai, patu nama panggilan utk sume orang. and how am i gonna take care of the baby and all, what i should do in the future, guessing wether its a boy or a girl yadayadayada. best la jugak kan mcm ni, because they care and make me feel wanted. but if only la kan, if only laa my parents terbukak pintu hati nak terima family aku yang aku pepandai buat sendiri ni, it would be much better la, tapi klu dah taknak, aku nak buat macam mana, ada plakk orang luar yang dok kata 'ada ke patut dia expect you guys(my parents) nak terima je lepas dah buat bende macam ni' susah ahh. haha, takpe ahh, orang pandai kan, amek phD. betul la kot apa dia cakap tuh, tak patut parents aku terima my marriage after i turned my backs on them. ah well, terpulang la.

last weekend the whole family went for karaoke kat redbox pavillion, haha aku dah lama tak karoke beb. mula2 nak nyanyi time dorang suruh tu, ketar2 gakk ahh aku, ahahahahha, tapi bila dah nyanyi, aku rasa mcm taknak letak mic tu plak. too bad i came late along with DH, DH's sister and their cousin. so tak byk lagu sgt aku nyanyi. first song aku nyanyi lagu pebret.. merisik khabar by sudirman. MIL aku sampai menangis beb aku nyanyi ahahahahah jgn main2. tapi ye ahh, lagu sedih. seb bek aku tak feeling sgt time nyanyi tuh, klu tak konfem nangis nye. sbb aku teringat lagu 'untukmu ibu' by mamat yang time dia kecik, tim besar suara dia mcm derhaka dahh hahaha. tu beru teringat lagu aku dah sebak tak tahann, klu aku nyanyi time tu, mau tak kene benti g toilet melalak sepuas2nye. hhahaha. sesungguhnye mmg aku rindu kat mak aku. i am always ready to balik, with DH and the rest, tapi klu dah dorang takleh nak terima kitorang, and choose to make things harder... maka aku kene rindu macam ni jela, dugaan tuhan. aku redha je. everything happens for a reason.

Oh! Ibu
Kau disiram bayu pagi
Kehilangan terasa kini
Dan kesepian

Dan aku
Bagai purnama gerhana
Di ibarat lautan kering
Tiada tempat ku layarkan

Hasratku ini
Masih belum sempat
Kubuktikannya kepadamu
Ibu tersayang
Kucurahkan rasa hati

Ku tatapi potret mu berulang kali
Kurenungkan kalimah yang diberi

Tuhan Yang Esa
Ampuni dosa ibu
Tempatkan mereka
Di antara kekasih kekasihMu

Oh! Ibu
Kau kasih sejati
Kutaburkan doa
Untukmu ibu

Ampunilah dosaku
Sejak ku dilahirkan
Hingga akhir hayatmu

Saat ini
Kuteruskan hidup
Tanpa bersamamu ibu

Ibu...
Kini aku hilang tempat mengadu

Oh ibu, damailah engkau disana
Ku taburkan doa mewangi, hadiah dari anakmu


sedih sial lagu ni, amek ahh aku bagi mak aku. ok bye.